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Avatar: The Last Airbender RPG

420 years after the fall of Ozai, decades of tranquility have brought about an era where peace is no longer only a mere philosophical abstraction. However beyond the grasp of the Four Nations, a long lost legacy resurfaces.
 
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 Chali Miso

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Tarink
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Posts : 647
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Join date : 2014-02-17

PostSubject: Chali Miso   Tue Jan 30, 2018 3:37 pm

|BASICS|
Name:Chali Miso
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Race: Human
Birthplace: Vermilion City
Current Residence: Just outside Omashu
Bender or Non-Bender: Bender
Rank: Jinjuuriki
Occupation: Sculptor/hermit
Element: Naturally: Fire and lightning, Possessed: Sand. Chali was born to fire-benders and as such grew up learning fire-bending and eventually lightning-bending. When she became possessed she gained power over sand at any mode, even when not in a tailed beast form, or any form, for that matter. She also gained power to blast large amounts of air at destructive levels from her mouth. However, the air is Bijuu mode/tailed beast form only.

|OPTIONAL|
Birthday: 8/13
Hobbies: Sculpting
Quirks: Loves her sand bending despite that they come from the demon inside
Family: Celare Miso: Younger sister; Anika Shengli: Adopted sister

|APPEARANCE|
Height: 4'9"
Hair: black but colors it pink every now and then, usually when visiting her sister. Most of the time you can often see her black roots. At the least, Chali runs a comb through her hair as she hates when her hair snags on stuff
Eyes: Medium almond shaped beige eyes with long lashes
Clothes: Usually wears fairly drab clothing, though she does have a few finer dresses she wears when visiting her sister. Normal clothes are a simple grey brown robe
Skin: Once smooth skin that has dried out due to neglect
Body Type: Chali is a short girl, topping out at only 4'9". Due to years of neglecting herself, she is thin and just a touch malnourished. However, while she is technically weak, the demon that hides within gives her strength. What (Very,very) little muscle she has is very toned.

|CHARACTERISTICS|
Personality: While Chali is a kind and caring girl, she has some social issues, some of which are her own, others stem from having a demon with in her. When around people, she becomes very quiet. Having withdrawn from society, she doesn't remember quite how to talk to them. When she finally does speak she is forward and honest.

While she has tried to withdraw from society for what she deemed their own protection from her, she stays close enough to Omashu to visit her sister and sell her sculptures. When dealing with customers she tends to avoid eye contact for fear that they will see the bijuu within.

Personal Strengths: Caring, kind, good with her hands, and highly creative
Personal Weaknesses: A little too honest, afraid of herself and the bijuu, talking to people.
Hamartia: Family (she knows she needs to stay away from the big cities but loves her sisters too much to just disappear)
Personal Hero: None
Dreams and Ambitions: To one day be free from the demon inside her, to be able to connect with someone besides her family, despite the demon in her

Likes: Her glass sculptures, Her sister, Omashu at night, Lightning (natural not bender generated),

Dislikes: The demon inside her, Thieves, Assholes, Goat meat, Liver

Brief History: When Chali was born, her mother Para, was so happy. Her husband, Chala, had died just after they found out she was pregnant protecting a woman from a mugger and Para missed him. To honor him, she named her daughter after him. Chali quickly showed she was a happy little girl, laughing more than she cried.

For 2 years, she was an only child. Her mother even moved them to Omashu to get a new beginning. That is until her mother found a new man named Akira and got married again. From that union, Chali got her baby sister Celare. When she was told she would be a sister, she threw a fit. She didn't want a sister, and while she wouldn't realize it until later in life, she hated her stepfather (too young to realize what true Hate/anger is.) During her tantrum, she lit a shrub on fire and scorched her house a bit. While her mother was proud that Chali had inherited bending, her stepfather was furious.

After Celare was born, Para started to teach Chali fire-bending herself. Chali took to it fast, mostly due to her youth. For the next 6 years, Chali learned her art. At 7 however, she was in town with her mother and saw an earth-bender making a clay sculpture. She fell in love and convinced her mom to let her learn. While she was no earth-bender, she showed she was capable of doing the work and the same sculptor started teaching her.

When she had turned 11, influential friends of her mother had been murdered and Para had taken in their young daughter, Anika. Chali, being the eldest, helped her mother with both Anika and Celare, while Akira did little to help his wife.

When she was 12 she had snuck off to explore some woods near Omashu. While exploring she started to hear what sounded like a river in the distance and decided to see if she could find it. After failing to find it after an hour or so she started to search for other things. As she did she started to hear a faint grating noise, like pebbles hitting each other after being thrown or snow blowing across the shutters of a house. "This" she thought "Shouldn't be here." But she pushed it out of her mind and kept exploring. As she turned towards the edge of the woods, she noticed another sound. A sound like groaning trees or a settling house. It sounded almost alive but she figured she was imagining things. None the less she wanted to be home. About an hour away from the woods edge, she started to realize that not only were the sounds getting louder, they seemed to be following her. Chali ran. All of a sudden the noises stopped. She turned and saw a beige blast of light, then nothing.

Hours later, she awoke in the middle of a charred bit of land, tired and filthy. It didn't take her long to figure out what happened as her clothes, while filthy from mud, soot, and what she could only assume was blood, were not fire damaged. She started to hear a voice that seemed to be all around her and nowhere all at the same time telling her that she was beautiful in her destruction. It spoke of how they would bring ruin to countless lives and lands. Chali fell to her knees, crying.

After a little bit, she started hearing voices, both from within and without. The voices without were calling her name, no doubt her mother looking for her, knowing she would go to the woods every now and then. The voice with in was telling her to kill whoever it was. She ran.

Over the years she struggled to push the beast down. she traveled from town to town, begging for food and money, looking for help from any monk or spiritualist she could find. Some were helpful, to a degree. Most were charlatans. She had dyed her hair pink at some point (even she doesn't remember when) in an attempt to hide her identity as she had inadvertently caused some trouble because of the bijuu. in the end it was a guru near an air temple that helped her.

Little to her knowledge, during her travels the bijuu gained a bit of respect for this young girl. He felt that her dedication was admirable. One day the beast promised to keep her safe, while internally promising himself that he take her over when she least expected it. When her walls were weakest.

When she turned 18 she decided it was time to return home. she had changed a lot. Her hair was different, her once smooth skin was wind and sun worn, and she had grown more quiet than she had once been, but she hoped her mother would recognize her and forgive her. When she saw her old Omashu home, a smile appeared on her face. She charged in, announcing she was home.

What she saw angered her more than anything she remembered. Her stepfather stood over her mother with a club in hand and her mother lay on the floor, bleeding heavily. She did not move. Inside Chali, a war started. The beast was reacting to her anger, but Chali fought him down. Instead a new energy rose. When Akira grabbed her arm to kill her too, he instead flew back, electricity arching over his body. He slumped down the wall dead. The authorities came and questions were asked and in the end she finished raising Celare and Anika. During this time, she tried to master her lightning-bending, but just couldn't quite wrap her head around it.

Once her sisters had moved onto their own lives, she left the city to protect the people, no longer completely confident in her ability to control her demon. Using the powers of the bijuu, Chali made sculptures of glass. To this day, she lives outside Omashu, knowing she must leave but not bearing the thought of leaving her sisters behind.

_________________
New Cannon


Old Cannon
—————————————————————————
Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.
—————————————————————————
Suddenly I heard a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
—————————————————————————
When you hit rock bottom, be an optimist. Those rocks on the bottom help you push yourself back up.
—————————————————————————
You keep what you kill.
—————————————————————————
Family don't end in blood, boy.
—————————————————————————


Last edited by Monkey King on Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:55 am; edited 16 times in total
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Lady Azzy
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PostSubject: Re: Chali Miso   Sun Feb 04, 2018 9:42 pm

Heyo! Alrighty. We've got a bit of work here.

First off,

Quote :
human jinjuuriki

While human is a race, Jinchuriki[/n] (As it is properly spelled) is not a race. It is more of a rank, really.

Quote :
imperial city

There is no location in this universe known as Imperial City. Did you mean Vermilion City? It also doesn't specify which nation. Please do so.

Quote :
Element: naturally fire and lightning, possessed: sand and air


Would it please be possible to clarify this a bit? I'm a touch confused what you're referencing here. Additionally please see the below quote.

Quote :
Powers specific for one tailed Bijuu include the ability to control sand at will, and can blast large amounts of air at destructive levels from its mouth. The sand is at any mode, even when not in a tailed beast form, or any form, for that matter. [b]However, the air is Bijuu mode/tailed beast form only.

We need the above quote either linked or used as a base to describe the bijuu powers. The way your elemental powers are described currently do not specify that the air power is available only in Bijuu mode. Please expand on this a little more.


Quote :
Birthday: 8 13
Hobbies: sculpting
Quirks: eyes are beige
Family: Celare miso: younger sister

Okay. A few things above. What is the birthday referencing? Is this a date, a year? Is there a month? Is sculpting her only hobby? Also, quirks are more personality trait based as opposed to physical attributes. I don't think saying "eyes are beige" is appropriate here.

Her physical appearance I would like either a face claim, or more description. I can't picture this character in my head. I like how you give more description on the hair and skin, but I find them contradicting. Her hair is black, but she dyes it pink. Her skin was smoothed but she has neglected it. Typically you don't find someone neglecting skin and instead constantly dying hair to avoid roots from showing. A touch bit inconsistent, but I would like to know if the same neglect on her skin is reflected in her hair.

Quote :
Personality: Chali is a fairly quiet young woman. when she does speak she is forward and honest. she is a very loving woman who would rather stay away from the public for their own protection.

Paragraphs are defined by a minimum of three sentences. I see two. I need more to the personality here. Pull on the strengths and weakness you listed and craft a sentence out of that if need be. You are capable of doing this and have done a fantastic job with other characters. We need to see the same care and attention on Chali here.

Ideally I would like 3 to 4 paragraphs for a plot level character of this nature.

Additionally, while we're here. I would like to see at least one more dislike, a few more weaknesses and a clarification on the Hamartia. Stating that the demon is her greatest flaw? Doesn't make a lot of sense to my mind. This should be a personality or a character flaw. That isn't the demon that haunts her.

Lastly. You've a solid base for your history. It is not bad. But it needs to be fleshed out. Who is this characters parents. What happened to them and why are they not listed as a part of the characters family. Give me a brief paragraph on what caused her to burn a shrub. Was there a conversation. Did this happen when her younger sister was born or when her mother was pregnant. How old was her younger sister? Clarify where/who she went to, to learn her bijuu powers.

We also need to address the issue of the bijuu entering Chali's body. See below:

Quote :
Bijuu seek out their hosts through mental and spiritual connections. Bijuu will possess and seal themselves into their hosts voluntarily with a plan. Once they are sealed, the Bijuu begin to rebel against their host and try to take over the body completely. They want to be set free among populated areas to create havoc and destruction. This results in the body's two consciousnesses fighting over control of the human.


As stated above, any time a bijuu enters a human host, there is havoc. Talk about what happened when Chali received her bijuu. Write out a little scene to help you visual. Include that in your history.

Ideally? A minimum of 5/6 paragraphs on history for a plot level character.

I like your character. I really do. And I want to see her in action. If you have any questions on what I've said or above or what to bounce ideas off of someone, DM me. I'll do my best to answer ASAP so we can get Chali in top shape!
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Lady Azzy
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PostSubject: Re: Chali Miso   Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:01 pm

Excellent! Your edits are beautiful and I am very pleased with Chali's overall development since I first looked at her. Her history is detailed and absolutely fantastic. You did an excellent job with her ^^

Approved!
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